VS : Here we go for the interview... Well it seems that IMPALED's world  conquest has begun seriously with "Mondo Medicale". What's your opinion about this record five months after coming out ? Still satisfied ?
Ross: I think without a doubt that is the best record ever recorded, in fact, the best noise uttered by a group or an individual within the collective ages of Homo Sapien sentience and the recorded history of mankind. I think the only noise that is maybe on par with Mondo Medicale is perhaps the universe shattering cacophony of the Big Bang, from whence this miserable world, this miserable galaxy, and the miserable and pitiable human race was birthed. Only now, in our day and age, has such a collection of notes come together, as they are in Mondo Medicale, and been reproduced with such grace, such beauty, and such perfection, that as repeated listens bare testament to, you can almost hear the true name of God as Impaled plays and sings. As more and more people play the album concurrently, a vortex swells on the edge being, ready to annihilate this dimension and cast forth Impaled into the next Big Bang where we shall rule the physical and metaphysical planes. The waifen populace of the many worlds under our iron fists will build in constant tribute to us, offer us their wenches, and sacrifice themselves  in genocidal  wars and  bloody gladitorial battles for our omniscient amusement! Such is the power of Mondo Medicale and Impaled, ha ha ha ha!!!!

VS : Don't  you think this new success  for your miserable band could turn you guys pretentious one day or another ? What does your psychiatrist think about this?
Ross: Turn us pretentious? I was born pretentious! I will only play shows if my plate of caviar at the show has been chilled to exactly 51 degrees farenheit, no more, no less, and the wine is a Cabernet from Von Valley Vineyards in France, and the cheese is American, Kraft. Singles, please. As for my psychiatrist, I punch him in the face!!!! I only need him to write me prescriptions for Xanax, Vicadin and Ecstasy, so I can get really high on prescription drugs when I go out to all the raves... because if you're not high, the music sucks.  As for success of our miserable band... well, we're still waiting for that. I let you know if I'm more of a dick head Afterwards once it happens.

VS : HA HA HA,  I'm sure you will.   The problem happens when musicians turn into dickheads; they are the last ones to notice that.
Let's talk about upcoming material : the split album with HAEMORRHAGE is supposed to be available on Razorback records, and there is the "Medical Waste" ep. What can we expect this time?  Is that real new material or does it contain unreleased tracks from "Mondo Medicale"?
Ross: Here's the lowdown on those upcoming releases - The Medical Waste EP is going to have one song from the Mondo Medicale album plus a cover of Nirvana's "Tourette's" and Deadbolt's "The Hearse" as well as two songs unreleased from the Mondo Medicale session, entitled "Choice Cuts" and "Gross Anatomy," and let's not forget the live versions of the Impaled classics "Until Death..." and "Back to the Grave," and I'd be remiss not to mention the CD-Rom Video of "Operating Theatre." Sounds a lot less like an EP and more like a box set. Well, I'll box your fucking ears if you don't buy it after the load of shit we've included on that thing. That's coming out, late,  from Necropolis Records in America and Century Media in Europe. Okay, the Haemorrhage split is a concept album, with two major parts of the story divided between Impaled and Haemorrhage; they will take the first half and Impaled the second. The name of the split is "Dementia Rex," and our side will have four new songs , including "Deranged," "The Patients Are Revolting," "Psycho-surgery", and "Bedlam." There will also be a cover song from each band, and that will be released by Razorback Records. Finally, we're going to have a split seven inch with Machetazo, the grinders from Spain, which will feature, yes, all new material. See, Impaled works hard for you. We slave all day at work writing new songs. Now go get us a beer and make us a TV dinner, already, you undeserving trollops.

VS : How do you know I work as a head cooking chef ? I saw Haemorrhage on stage last year and let me tell you they were really insane. Especially the singer. So it seems you're going to do the same strange grinding tradition than most of the grinding bands do. IMPALED is going to release a lot of stuff. Why this strange choice, why don't you just record full albums like other bands ? When you answer the last question did you notice you replied in a serious way ? How do you feel about that ? Different ?
Ross: First of all, we're not grind core, as any grind core band (the scores that dissavow us and tell us that we suck for having guitar harmonies) will tell you. We're death metal, through and through. Second of all, I didn't answer that last question seriously, it was all lies. Our next album is actually called "Fartwork" and it's going to be on Music For All Nations, and we're getting paid shitloads to do a tour headlining over Opeth in Europe. Ha!! As if we would do some puny ass releases for Billy "Idiot Non-Savant" Nocera and Jill "Hair Bear" Girardi at Razorback! You fool, you fool! Lastly, I feel weird right now because I am touching myself "down there." How does that make you feel?

VS : It makes me laugh ha ha ha ha ha !!! Of course IMPALED isn't a grind core band I never said your are. That's why I'm surprised by all those releases. IMPALED plays death metal for sure. Well I'm not going to talk to you about some CARCASS influence like everybody but I'm just curious : Did Bill Steer or Mike Amott contact you to ask about copyright ?
Ross: Okay, fair enough, Impaled is heavily influenced by Carcass. That's fine, but why are bands like us, influenced by Carcass, singled out as "clone" bands when so many other bands could rightfully be accused of the same thing? Why isn't Deeds of Flesh or Severed Savior ever asked if Frank Rinni of Suffocation has anything to say about them? Why wasn't Angel Corpse ever asked if Trey Azathog had a problem with them? Is Usurper ever asked if they also want to ride on the Space Shuttle just like Tom G. Warrior? Does anyone question Dillinger Escape Plan or the Red Chord what color Dave Witti's butt is? Let's go back further...does anyone ever asked Possessed or Slayer how much they had to pay Chronos from Venom for stealing his image?
Hey, all these bands are great, and no one questions them!!  Carcass were a great band (for three albums, anyway) and they forged a sound that was fairly unique, and bands like Haemorrhage, Gruesome Stuff Relish, us, Exhumed, and County Medical Examiners need to be recognized as part of a gore genre that Carcass forged, and then can we move the fuck on? I don't listen to Carcass day and night, Ionly listen to Tony Bennett and that is where the bulk of my musical influence resides, so fuck off!!!

VS : Yeah your point of view is a good one. I can imagine you're tired of everybody's asking about your CARCASS influence. That's why I asked you this very mean question. For sure CARCASS was a killer band and I'd like to listen to them day and night if I could ;). I can imagine all those journalist asking you again and again the same boring question of influence. You must admit mine was more original.
In your list you have forgotten a band a bit into CARCASS called GHOUL. Do you know them? I don't know why but I'm sure you've already heard about that band.  In general, what do you think about side projects ? Would you like to play in a band like that?
Ross: Ghoul, those are those guys that wear pillow cases on their heads, the band that Razorback Records put out, right? Yeah, I've heard of Ghoul, or as I refer to them, the Bag Heads. I think they totally suck, although I've never heard their album, I'm just making a totally biased pre-judgement based on their habits of using bed clothes as apparel. I think side-projects are for wussies. Hey, man, get one band and see it through like a fucking trooper! I'm one-hundred percent dedicated to Impaled! I eat Impaled, I drink Impaled, I breathe Impaled, and I dream Impaled.  Luckily, there's one-hundred and ten percent of me, though, so I can use my other ten percent to play in Ludicra, a black metal project with some folks from San Francisco. Check it out at http://www.ludicra.org !!

VS : You're living IMPALED but you fuck GHOUL !!! I hear this band is composed by Sean, Raul and you. Anyway "We Came for the Dead" is a very good album. You mention  you play in a black metal band ? Don't you think this kind of metal is less interesting than death ? I mean most of those bands (not especially yours) play that music because they're not good enough to play anything else ?
Ross: You've heard incorrectly. I do not play in Ghoul, and I do not wear pillowcases on my head, unless I am having sex with my mistress and she commands me to do so. I think "We Came For The Dead" sounds like the Village People on 45 RPM. It kinda looks like the Village People, too. As for the black metal band I play in, I don't play in a black metal band. I play in a grey metal band named Ludicra. We are dubbed grey metal because of the ennui we share, the depressing, overcast music, the somber lyrics, and all the grey hair we have cause we're a bunch of dumb old farts. We recently played a benefit show for a needle exchange program and raised a thousand dollars. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, John Ashcroft!! As for black metal, I really like black metal, especially Mortification and Living Sacrifice. Those bands are wicked evil.

VS : I don't think they are so evil. In fact, those bands are playing white metal; maybe they are for dumb old farts but not for other people. Well I saw IMPALED is coming to Europe in early may and you're going to be on the "Fuck the commerce" festival. I think it will be the first time IMPALED will meet their europeans fans. How do you feel about this upcoming show ? Don't you think IMPALED play a kind of death metal in an european way ? I mean, you don't quite sound like an American Band, do you?
Ross: We play metal in a very Martian way, but since you're not as cool as us to have toured Mars and played in front of thousands of Martians, or go to their record stores and stock up on the latest Martian LPs, you just have no fucking idea. Now that we've finished touring Mars, yes, the next logical step is for us to tour Europe, and to lay waste and destruction all over your pathetic villages and burroughs. We will set fire to your thatched roofs and have sex with your mothers. We will tear up the Autobahn with a bulldozer and construct a giant pair of testicles that we are going to attach to the base of your phallic and grotesque Eiphel Tower. Then, we are going to make the Leaning Tower of Pisa stand straight and build condominiums over the Roman Ruins. Of course, while we are there, we are going to sell billions of Euros worth of merchandise, such as Impaled CDs, shirts, and underwear, and we are going to take all of these Euros out of the continent and spend them in America on Megadeth bootleg records, thereby crippling your economy and putting Europe into an economic tailspin that can only end in all of you eating each other for sustenance.

VS : Son, I think you watch too much TV or maybe you are much to anxious about the "Fuck the Commerce" Festival (where Ghouls will play its first and last show. What a coincidence !)  Anyway I'm sure your european tour will be better than the martian one. I've heard that several members of IMPALED have worked for Necropolis records. Does it help to get a record deal ? Necropolis must be very cool with you to let IMPALED record some stuff for Razorback. How did you deal that with them ?
Ross: Yes, Raul worked for Necropolis for several years, and I worked there for a month after I quit being a gigilo, but we were signed to the label before we got jobs there. So, really, what you should be asking is, "Is it easier to get a job at Necopolis if you are signed to the label?" and the answer is yes.This is good news for Sharlee D'Angelo, should he lose his job as a touring and contributing member of three internationally famous rock bands. Man, I hate that guy. I work like a slave, and he tours and gets chicks and gets to play with King Diamond's porcelain doll collection anytime he wants. As for doing the stuff on Razorback... well, we're not a Necropolis band anymore, because Paul (el presidente) swiped my Winger shirt from backstage while we were playing a show. What a dick. So basically, we can do whatever the hell we want, except get time at a recording studio because we're all broke. Wow, those "shitty" times are looking rosier every second.

VS : Well that doesn't sound so cool. Maybe you should stop and take another job - selling cars, shoes or maybe you should go back to school to become a real doctor?  You seem to have a taste for medical works. How do you feel about that ? What would you do if you didn't play in a band like IMPALED ?
Ross: Oh, please! Take another job than being in Impaled? This is the most lucrative position I've ever had. I drive a Mercedes-Benz that I've had welded on top of a Rolls Royce just so I can show people on the street how rich I am. I mean, I'll grant you, having completed medical school and being a licensed podiatrist, I could be a shoe-salesman (at $150,000 a year, one of the most highly paid of the mercantile professions in the United States) but then there are all the babes I get from being a rock star. And by babes, I mean small, talking pigs. Once in awhile I'll get a chick, too, and that's good for soup. Occasionally, a woman will talk to me, and remind me of my unconventional looks, i.e. the fact that I am an ugly, unappealing mess of a man. It is at times like this that the cruelty of the fairer gender really comes through, and I realize what a horrible, empty existence I actually lead. Then I go home and get drunk by myself while watching movies of Nikita Denise and crying.

VS : Come on you're not that bad.  I'm sure you will find a babe who will take care of you but I must admit it's not easy to find a small talking pig....Start your search now!!!
I've read you were supposed to do advertising for breakfast foods like cereals and things like that ? Does it have any link with your childhood as a quaker ?
Ross: You must be referring to Quaker Oats.  I don't eat that shit.  I don't eat fiber and oats to clean out my intestinal tract, I prefer to eat fat free Pringles with the fat substitute Olenta, which causes a severe and most agreeable diarrhea.  Failing that, I will get a dominatrix / whore to clean out my ass with a broomstick wrapped in cellophane.  The only items I really enjoy at breakfast is the black tar heroin I have imported from Pakistan and genuine Cuban cigars.  In fact, I state that in the ad I did for Cuban television, hawking genuine Cuban rolled cigars.  Communist comrades! I say, "Nothing is better for the proletariat than to submit to the will of the intelligencia, till the fields, and to smoke Castro's own fine Cuban cigars!!! Mmm, now that's good smokin’!"

VS : Well, when I read all your answers, I'm telling myself you don't only smoke cigars to be as insane as you are but you've found more crazy than you this time. What about your private life ? Let's go in your kitchen, open the fridge and tell us what we can find in it... Beer ?  Fresh cut head ? French cheese ? Maybe even some diet coke (it would be really nasty !!!). Tell us... we want to know how weird you are.
Ross: I have a few things in my fridge, and severed heads are unfortunately not amongst them. What I do have is the finer foods, dining material especially made for such a well-to-do person as myself. I only eat if it is expensive food, for no mere drivel need be wasted on my cultured tongue. I usually get calls from Donald Trump and Bill Gates begging to come over for dinner to sample my elegant wares, but no, I tell them, you are philistines compared to my rich and fervently upper class tastes. My fridge is full of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and Fanta. Truly, only the refined can appreciate such delicately flavored and divinely prepared food stuffs.

VS : Well as a french cook, I'm really sensitive to your culinary taste. Most  Europeans  imagine American people drinking Coke most of time instead of a good red wine.
By the way do you plan to stop drugs and alcohol one day ? It could be interesting to do another interview at this time. Just to see how you are when you're not high or drunk ? Do those artificial pleasures help you to write some stuff for the band. I mean you're writing a lot of material those days. How can you do that ?
Ross: Actually, my doctor told me that at this point, if I were to stop drinking and doing drugs, it would kill me. You may have heard the factoid that our bodies are made up of eighty percent water, right? Well, they did a test on me, and my body is actually composed of thirty percent Jack Daniels Whisky, fifty-five percent Budweiser Beer, and twenty percent methamphetamines. I have to constantly drink and do drugs to replenish my body. You may have noticed the percentages add up to 105 percent, and that is because I can’t do math when I am drunk. Writing music is much easier while drunk, at least if you write music by vomiting on blank sheet music, like I do.